Just a Thought: A New Story

It’s mental health week in Canada, so I figured why not share an adjacent thought.

A friend shared a really beautiful snippet from a podcast where the host monologued about how he “wants a new story” for himself. He outlines how his “old story” has made him who he is: a successful comic/podcaster/actor, but discusses how he’s tired of that being his only story and doesn’t want to carry that story’s luggage any longer. In his case, it was a story of drug abuse, challenging family relationships, and associated mental struggles. He goes on to say that he’s ready for a new story, but he’s fearful to let go of it and be forced to create a new story. Letting go meant giving up the comfort of that life; knowing how to feel, how to verbalize your life to others, and letting go of the illusion of ‘knowing’ who you are. It’s a very real and honest clip (a rarity for online content), and I related to his message a lot watching it. More specifically, the part about letting go of a story, to start writing another and giving oneself grace, space and freedom to do so.

It got me thinking about my own life, and why I related to this random clip so much. I needed to iron that out, so here we are. I thought maybe if I related to it, someone reading this might as well. So consider this an unsolicited public service announcement, for everyone, but to men in particular. Too often, I hear/read about people, often men, who have taken their own life. Often for no other reason than lack of ability to verbalize the quiet desperation they are living. So I felt it was important to ‘verbalize’ this.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" is a famous quote that I love. It's from Henry David Thoreau’s 1854 book Walden (I’ve never read the book, but have heard the quote a bunch).

As mentioned in previous articles, I’ve had many parts to my own story. I am a very different character in my current story than I was in past stories. Each of them began with small, deliberate—sometimes not—moments that moved me into the next story when the previous one no longer served my circumstances. But one thing that stayed constant is that with each new story, I struggled to let go of the character I had built in the previous story. If I had to summarize the biggest story themes in my life, I would say that it boils down to, Theme 1: CHAOS and Theme 2: ORDER, in that order, lets call them “eras”. Each theme has a bunch of sub-stories that define each era, but those aren’t important here. 

In hindsight (I know, hindsight is always 20-20), it’s obvious that ORDER would be the more enjoyable and better choice for me (it is). However, it begs the question, why did I hang onto so much CHAOS in the era of ORDER, for so long? Why not just let it go? Were the self-destructive habits of the CHAOS era serving me in the ORDER era? No... Was the CHAOS era the only thing I knew, and had formed my entire identity around it, because it felt comfortable regardless of how dysfunctional it was..? Yes.

It was, and sometimes still is, difficult to fully let go of a past story fully even though it’s almost completely irrelevant in the present. I guess it’s a natural part of life and growing, but properly letting go comes with a daily set of self-imposed checks and balances. It requires being consistent, clear-minded, and honest with myself about how I want my next story to read. Really, it’s a labour of self-love, which isn’t always an intuitive choice.

What I am getting at here is this: it’s okay to turn the page, start a new story, and let the old one sit on its shelf. The process of letting go might look different for you, but it remains a process; some days will be easier than others, but based on my own experience, it’s worth seeing it through. Most importantly you’re worth it, and your life is worth it. If some days you can’t find the strength to do it for yourself, do it for those you share a life with; they're worth it.

Following the themes of previous articles: this is mostly a reminder to myself, not a prescription or a pure truth. Just my perspective. I love my life.